Our Christmas Eve Visit to Applebee's

Max: "I gotta go potty!"... {louder} "I gotta go potty!"... {climbing over Mom and louder again} ..."I gotta go NOW, it's coming out fast!"

Kevin: "Where's the bathroom?"

Rachel: "I don't know, I think it's over there."

Woman at the table next to us: "It's over there!"

[In the men's restroom]

Max: {whining} "No Dad, no"

Kevin: {whispering} "Oh man, these are gonna have to go."

Max: "No, Dad. It hurts when you touch me."

[After getting cleaned up]

Max: "Let's go Dad, this is taking too long."

Kevin: "Shh, we have to wait until everyone leaves so I can throw these out."

[Opening bathroom stall to leave, someone else walks in, closing bathroom stall]

Max: "Dad, why can't we leave?"

[Meanwhile, back at the table]

Kendall {with her grilled cheese sandwich on her head} : "Arrrrggg, matey... hee hee, ha ha {baaahhhggggg, extremely long, loud burp that I couldn't even imagine coming out of the largest, nastiest, grown man alive}"

[Kevin and Max return]

Kevin: "Well, he's going commando."

Note: Max is not pooping in his pants regularly anymore, we've been extremely sick around here, and this was a result of his ailment. We thought he was almost in the clear, but I guess not quite.